Positive Principles Newsletter
December 2006
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“There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world than for bread.”
– Mother Teresa of Calcutta
“A word of encouragement during a failure is worth
more than an hour of praise after success.”
– Unknown
“Correction does much, but encouragement does
more.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (German Playwright,
Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)
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This month's tip – Follow the ABC's of correction
- Affirm Before Correcting.
Leader,
coach, parent, or spouse: we all interact with others on a daily basis. In
the course of these daily interactions, we often offer our suggestions to
help others succeed. Given properly, helpful suggestions will actually help.
Given improperly, they may do more harm than good. Recently, I had an
experience that highlights one key principle to consider any time you offer
corrective or instructive comments.
The situation:
I created a marketing brochure. To make sure I had considered every detail
on the piece, I asked my wife (Sandra) to look it over and to give me her
input. She looked at it for about 5 seconds and immediately suggested a
layout improvement. As she made her comment, I felt irritated. Since I had
asked for her comments, I chose not to voice my frustration.
As I returned to my office, my frustration turned to curiosity. I began to
wonder what had happened in that moment. Why would someone (me) get upset
with corrective comments when the comments were initially requested and then
offered with the best of intentions?
Reflecting on that question, I came to the following conclusion: even when
we ask for correction, we still want to be affirmed.
In Sandra's defense, let me fill in a few more details. I completely trust
her intentions. We were both pressed for time. I asked for her input while
she was working on another time constrained project. The problem in this
situation began with the timing of my request. I did not give her the
appropriate time to carefully evaluate and consider her response. Given the
time constraints of this situation, she offered her input with the sole
intent to help me create a better product. She had no intent or desire to
criticize or ridicule me personally.
And still, my initial internal reaction was negative. I did not react to her
attitude, her tone, or her words. Instead, my desire for affirmation created
my reaction. Fortunately, I recognized that my internal, emotional reaction
was not appropriate, and I controlled my outward response. This is not
always the case.
Much of the time, you will communicate with people who will not control
their responses. They may be hurt or upset by someone else or some other
event. Maybe they do not have complete trust in your intentions. Maybe your
relationship is not strong enough for them to take your comments the way
that you intend them. Whatever the cause, if you offer "constructive
criticism" without first affirming them, they will likely respond negatively
- even when your intentions are pure and honorable.
Once offended or upset, people often have difficulty shifting their mental
focus to recognize the positive intentions of others. So, once upset, most
people will not receive your corrective comments. They will likely focus on
their initial negative feeling and either ignore or resist your suggestions.
As leaders, I encourage you to work with, rather than against, this aspect
of human nature. In order to improve the odds that people hear your
suggestions and corrective comments with the perspective that you offer
them, learn to Affirm Before Correcting. In practice, this means that you
should offer an honest, genuine positive comment before you offer any
suggestions for improvement.
As you practice applying this principle, remember these three key points
about affirmation:
1. Specific - make the affirmation as specific as the correction.
Generalities and non-specific comments may come across as condescending.
Pick specific points or observations for your praise and affirmation. Using
my brochure layout as an example, "I like the way you used these pictures to
highlight your main point" is better than "This looks good."
2. Brief - make your comments brief and to the point.
When you speak too long, people get lost in the talking and miss the point.
3. Message - watch your tone and body language.
If your tone sounds condescending or your body language is stiff, you will
likely communicate bad things to your listener. Make sure your tone and body
language convey the feeling that you want to help and not the feeling that
you want to condemn.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Follow the ABC’s of correction – Affirm Before
Correcting.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
