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The Coach:
Conversations
on Leadership
An eBook by
Guy Harris
Click image for
sample copy
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Positive Principles Newsletter
May 2006 ____________________________________________
“If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words.”
- Chinese Proverb
“No man would listen to you talk if he didn’t know it was his turn next.”
- Edgar Watson Howe (Nineteenth Century American author)
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This month's tip – Listen more, speak less.
As a coach and consultant, I spend lots of time listening to people describe
their situation, their problem, their frustration, etc. My clients expect me
to offer insights, knowledge, and perspectives to help them create better
results either personally or professionally. In many respects, I am a
“professional listener.” From this experience, I have found that hearing is
easy and listening is hard.
A
quick review of some statistics about listening, compiled by the
International Listening Association (www.listen.org),
yields some insight into why listening is so hard:
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Most of us are distracted, preoccupied or
forgetful about 75% of the time we should be listening.
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We listen at 125-250 words per minute, but
think at 1000-3000 words per minute. |
As hard as it is to listen effectively, it is still vitally important. Take
a look at these additional statistics from the International Listening
Association:
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Immediately after we listen to someone, we
only recall about 50% of what they said.
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Long-term, we only remember 20% of what we
hear. |
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More than 35 business studies indicate that
listening is a top skill needed for success in business.
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My first thought as I began this article was: “I’m about to communicate an
idea that everyone has heard before.” However, my experience as a
“professional listener” tells me that the topic carries enough importance to
justify the reminder. More importantly, I’ll share five tips to help you
improve your skill in this vital leadership competence.
1. Listen to understand, not to respond
Effective listening goes beyond hearing
someone’s words. Effective listening creates an environment where the
other person feels that you understand them.
This tip applies to attitude more than it does to behavior. Many people
view dialogue like a tennis match where the two parties square off and hit
the ball back-and-forth. In this approach to conversation, both parties
are adversaries trying to “score the point.”
To listen effectively, I suggest that you view dialogue more like a
pitcher and catcher in a baseball game. The pitcher (speaker) throws the
ball for the catcher (you) to receive it. The catcher only throws
the ball back after he has it firmly in his grasp.
In other words, listen to receive the meaning. Once you understand, then
you can respond.
2. Be quiet
Being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear
the words, the tone, and the meaning behind the words. It gives you the
chance to observe the speaker’s body language.
To help you remember this tip, I’ll share two quick statements with you:
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“When your mouth is open, your ears are
closed.” |
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“LISTEN and SILENT have the same letters.”
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3. Let them finish their
thoughts
In other words, don’t interrupt the speaker.
From the previous tip, this idea seems obvious. However, I have seen many
arguments and misunderstandings that stemmed from interruptions. It’s hard
to remain silent. It’s even harder to remain silent until someone has
completely expressed their idea.
4. Maintain eye contact
Effective listening means observing everything
about the speaker’s message. People communicate at least as much with
their body language as they do with their words. Good listeners learn to
“listen” with their eyes as well as with their ears.
If you choose to work on something else (answer e-mail, fill out
paperwork, etc.) while someone is speaking to you, they will not “feel”
that they were heard.
5. Ask questions to ensure
that you understand
Just because you heard the words and observed
the body language, don’t assume that you understand. If a particular point
is unclear to you, ask a question to clarify it before you respond.
Even if you think you understand the message, make sure you do by
clarifying it with the speaker. You might say something like:
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“Just to be sure I understand you, let me
repeat back to you what I thought you said…”
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“I heard you say … Is that correct?”
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“If I understand correctly, your concern
is…” |
When you clarify, remember to let them correct
your understanding. You don’t have to agree with their perspective. You do
have to make sure that you understand it.
Good leaders are good listeners. Effective listening helps to resolve
conflicts, build trust, inspire people, and strengthen teams. It often
requires you to “bite your tongue,” and, from my personal experience, I know
that it can be hard work. I also know that the results are worth the effort.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this
month's tip . . .
Listen more, speak less.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
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