Positive Principles Newsletter
November 2005
____________________________________________
“The
motto should not be: Forgive one another; rather, understand one another.”
- Emma Goldman
“I have striven not to
laugh at human actions, not to weep at them, nor to hate them, but to
understand them.”
- Benedict Spinoza
____________________________________________
This month's tip –
Work to see the other person’s perspective.
One morning, I stopped at a
fast-food restaurant for breakfast after taking my daughters to school.
While ordering my meal, the young-lady behind the counter asked me what size
coffee I wanted. Since I was not sure of my options, I asked if I could see
the cup sizes. She said yes and proceeded to point to the three options
behind and below the counter. I could not see the back of the cups sticking
out of the dispensers; much less identify their relative sizes.
When I informed her that I
couldn’t see what she was pointing to, she sighed in frustration and looked
at me with a “What kind of idiot are you?” look on her face. I eventually
had to ask her to pull the medium cup out and hold it high enough for me to
see. She did, but she was not happy about it. She was not communicating
effectively, and she seemed to think it was my fault.
In this situation, the
communication error was clear and obvious. The young-lady behind the
counter was attempting to communicate non-verbally and a physical barrier
separated her communication efforts from my line of site. Simple problem,
simple solution. Consider this question though- how many times have you
attempted to communicate an idea to someone and found yourself frustrated by
their inability to understand your simple statements? Personally, I can
think of many situations where I have been frustrated by the other person’s
“inability” to understand.
Reflecting on the fast-food
restaurant example I find myself thinking, “How often do I make a similar
mistake?” I think it is more often than I would like to admit. Maybe I
failed to phrase my statement in a way that made it easy to understand.
Maybe I spoke too quickly or too softly for them to hear my words.
Possibly, I phrased the statement in a way that did not connect with their
experience or perspective. Maybe I phrased the statement in a way that
pushed emotional hot-buttons. In short, I somehow failed to consider
their perspective in delivering my message.
Any of the following items
can create communication barriers:
It’s so easy to get locked
into your personal perspective and fail to see the other person’s. Yet
communication and leadership hinge on your ability to understand what the
other person sees or hears in the situation.
So for now, I encourage you
to remember this month's tip . . .
Work to see the other person’s perspective.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
