Positive Principles Newsletter
August 2004
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"Nothing gives one person so much advantage
over another as to remain
always cool and unruffled under all circumstances."
- Thomas Jefferson
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The
tongue
of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts
folly.”
- Proverbs 15:1-2
____________________________________________
This month’s tip – Keep your cool and control your
tongue.
This month’s tip builds on last month’s tip – Choose to become an
encourager.
I’ll start with a story from my experience to illustrate the point.
One day early in my management career, I was leading a weekly team meeting
of the people who reported to me. As usual, the most outspoken person on the
team, a gentleman we called Zak, had the floor. This particular morning he
was
upset and confused about some changes we were making. As he asked questions,
I attempted to answer. As I attempted to answer, he asked more questions.
This
cycle repeated for several minutes and the volume of the discussion rose
with
each round. Eventually I lost control and yelled “Zak, would you shut-up!”
(I think I slipped in an unprintable expletive or two as well).
Instantly, everyone in the room froze and stared at me. It worked. Zak was
quiet.
However, I could tell by the looks on the other team members faces that I
had either
alienated or frightened everyone in the room. This was a really bad
leadership move.
Sure, it momentarily felt good to get him to quit bombarding me with
questions,
but my explosion did much more harm than good.
It took me about 3 or 4 weeks to fully recover from that one slip of the
tongue.
The apologies and private conversations that occurred as part of my
emergency
response only took a day or so, but the next few meetings were pretty tense
as
people waited to see who would get it from me next. Fortunately I had built
up
a good rapport with everyone, so the incident was basically forgotten by the
end
of the month. That episode taught me a huge lesson about the value of
controlling
both your emotions and your tongue when you are the leader.
It’s easy to say, “I’m going to encourage people” when everything’s going
great.
When I’m relaxed and happy, encouragement tends to flow naturally.
The times when I have the most difficulty acting as an encourager come when
I am stressed, angry, or both. At these moments, it’s easy to unload on
someone
and “let ‘em have it.”
This tendency is perfectly natural. Acting on the impulse might even make us
feel better in the moment. However, for leaders the question is not “What
makes
me feel better?” The real questions are “What’s the right thing to do?” and
“What will help the team the most?”
Social science research, psychological studies, and personal experience
indicate
that people remember negatives much more readily than they remember
positives.
It only takes a few slips of the tongue during a few highly emotional
responses
for people to forget everything positive you have ever said. If you control
your
tongue when emotions are high and you would rather tell someone how you
really feel,
you will maximize the benefit of the encouragement you offer when times are
more
relaxed.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Keep your cool and control your tongue.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
