Positive Principles Newsletter
July 2006
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“For true success
ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?”
– James Allen,
English writer and philosopher, 1864 – 1912
“Quality questions
create a quality life. Successful people ask better questions, and as a
result, they get better answers.”
– Anthony Robbins
“My greatest
strength as a consultant is to be ignorant and ask a few questions.”
– Peter F. Drucker
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This month's tip – Ask better
questions
Over the last few months, one subject keeps surfacing in my work with both
my coaching clients and participants in my training classes. The subject
takes many forms and shows up in many different situations, but the
underlying question remains the same: “How do you move a person (team,
organization, etc.) towards higher levels of cooperation and participation?”
Most of us — me included — find it easy to state our opinions and to
communicate what we want. However, we often have difficulty understanding
what other people want from or see in a situation. This difficulty lies at
the heart of the struggle to gain high levels of cooperation and
participation.
The problem typically comes not from the logic we use but from our approach.
We state our opinions, and we expect people to immediately buy-in. Often,
they do not. In his book, Questions are the Answers, Allan Pease
says: “If you say it, it’s your idea, not theirs, so [people] feel justified
in raising objections…” By stating our opinions first, we often trigger this
automatic objection response. As a result, we find ourselves engaged in a
double monologue rather than a true dialogue. I say what I think. You say
what you think. Neither of us truly connects with the other’s perspective.
Great leaders have the skill of creating true dialogue — not simply double
monologue. One highly effective approach to creating dialogue is simple in
concept but difficult to apply. Simple in concept because the idea can be
easily stated: ask better questions. It is difficult to apply because we
have to overcome the natural inclination to state our perspective rather
than to ask questions.
When we state a position, it is open for debate, and unlikely to encourage
cooperation. If we ask open and genuine questions, other people will often
reach the same conclusions we have reached. So, they own the conclusions and
are more likely to accept and act on them.
The specific questions you ask will depend almost entirely on the situation.
However, I have identified five basic types of questions to keep in mind.
Good questions will:
1. Clarify the other person’s perspective
For example…
Good questions create a foundation for higher level thinking
and for building a cooperative, participatory environment. One warning —
watch your tone and body language. It’s easy to sound aggressive and
interrogating. If this happens, the approach fails miserably. Keep your body
language and tone open and friendly, and questions can pave the path to
better understanding and cooperation.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Ask better questions.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
