Positive Principles Newsletter
June 2004
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"Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit
of the goal."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
“…every single soldier must know, before he goes into battle, how the little
battle he is to fight fits into the larger picture, and how the success of
his fighting will influence the battle as a whole.”
- Field Marshall
Bernard Montgomery
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This month’s tip – Agree on the problem before you
tackle the solution.
Violation of this principle lies at the heart of many relationship and
leadership challenges.
David Straus, author of How to Make Collaboration Work, writes: “If
you can’t agree on the problem, you won’t agree on the solution.”
Here’s a situation from my experience to illustrate the point.
One time, my wife and I were discussing the time I spent cleaning our pool.
As the conversation progressed, her focus shifted to getting an automatic
pool
cleaner. I focused on the pros and cons of automatic pool cleaners and
whether we could make one work in our pool.
She got frustrated with me because I brought up the difficulties we would
encounter. I got frustrated with her because she kept insisting we could
make it work.
Since she viewed the situation as a problem to be solved, she came up with a
solution. From that point on, everything she said supported our need to
implement her solution. I viewed the situation as a potential problem to be
discussed. I focused on collecting and evaluating information so that we
could reach a decision. She was in problem solving mode. I was in data
collection mode.
We had not yet agreed that there was a problem to solve, so a conflict
started to grow. Both of us got progressively more frustrated until we
realized that we were engaged in two different conversations. She was trying
to relieve me of cleaning the pool manually. I was discussing the relative
merits of automatic pool cleaners.
Two adults with a good relationship discussing an unimportant topic and we
nearly got into a full-fledged argument. Silly? Yes, but true.
Solving a problem on your own is easy. You just do it. When other people are
involved it gets a bit more complicated. Remember to reach these two key
agreements before you begin solving a problem and you will dramatically
reduce conflict and stress.
-
Agree that you have a problem to be solved, and
-
Agree on the problem definition
Since we often assume that everyone sees situations the way we do, it is
easy to view the time invested in reaching agreement on the problem
statement as a waste of time. After all, the problem is clear to us.
However, the people we work with may not see the situation as a problem, or
they may define the problem differently.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Agree on the problem before you tackle the
solution.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
