Positive Principles Newsletter
June 2008
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Key Quotes:
“For what I do is not the good I
want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do —
this I keep on doing.”
- Romans 7:19, The Bible, New
International Version
“I give myself very good advice, but
I very seldom follow it.”
- From the song Very Good Advice in
the musical Alice in Wonderland, Jr., Music Theatre
International, www.broadwayjr.com
2006
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This month's tip – Self-control
Doesn’t Come Naturally.
Have you ever said or done something and later wondered what you were
thinking when you said or did it? I have. Have you ever been in a
situation where you
knew the right thing to say or do, and your emotional state just would not
let
you do it? Guilty as charged. Have you ever judged too harshly or
responded too quickly to an innocent or well meaning statement or action
by someone close to you? Yep, I’ve done that one, too.
Nearly every principle, approach, and skill that I teach requires
self-control
to properly apply. I speak on the need to let logic and intellect lead our
words
and actions rather than emotions. I teach it. I study it. I write on it. I
work
every day to apply it. And still I often fall short of the mark of true
self-
control.
At the end of May, I worked for the better part of six days to re-design
and re
-launch my website. The time available for the project was short. The need
was
great. And I had other projects that needed my attention. In the process,
I
sought the help, guidance, and input of several people close to me that
met the
following criteria – I trusted their input, they know something about my
business goals, and they were readily accessible during the time I had to
work
on the project. Naturally, my business partner Sandra (also my wife) fits
these
criteria.
In the end, the people able to contribute most directly to the project all
provided valuable, and at times challenging, input. The current version of
www.principledriven.com is much better because of their input, and I plan
to
keep adjusting and modifying the site as I get additional input from other
people I trust. Unfortunately, during the “heat of the battle” of the
initial
design process, the thought of all out verbal assault on my wife crossed
my mind more than once. Sadly, I let the first volley in the assault cross
my lips on at least two occasions. (That’s how I remember it. She might
say that I lobbed
verbal bombs at her more than twice.)
Why is it that I had trouble controlling my response even when I know the
benefits of self-control and carefully crafted communication? The answer
is
simple – because I am a human being.
When we are born, everything we want centers around our own needs. As we
mature, we hopefully grow to understand that respecting and meeting other
people’s needs creates better relationships and more peaceful, productive
environments. Still, that seed of selfishness remains in all of us. If we
came onto the planet hard- wired for self-control, we would not need to
learn it.
During my website project, I often found these thoughts crossing my mind:
“Does she have any idea what she just asked me to do?” and “Why does she
have to be so difficult?” The funny thing is this: she never gave advice
or insight before I asked for it. Basically, she always acted in my best
interest, and I still got angry with her. My selfish, emotional response
temporarily blinded me to the reality of the situation.
The good news is this. Despite my stress, frustration, and occasional
lapses
into selfish behavior during the project, I believe that I am better now
than I
was ten years ago. I hope to be better still ten years from now. I’m
pretty sure
that you can say the same for yourself. When you fail in your efforts to
control
your responses, choose better approaches, and relate more effectively with
others, acknowledge the failure and learn the lesson. The next time will
be
better.
You might read my work or listen to me speak and think: “It’s easy for you
to
talk about controlling our responses, but you don’t know my situation (my
boss,
my co-worker, my spouse, etc.).” True enough, I may not know exactly
what’s
happening for you. Nonetheless, I know the struggle. The principles apply,
even though you or I might fail to apply them properly. They are true,
even though they are difficult. They are true, even though other people
will not always cooperate. In many ways, the struggle to become
self-controlled makes the occasional, and hopefully more and more
frequent, victories seem that much sweeter.
Struggles and failures are part of the road to success in any endeavor.
The goal of excellence as a leader and communicator is worth the struggles
we have in learning self-control.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Self-control Doesn’t Come Naturally.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
