Positive Principles Newsletter
March 2005
____________________________________________
"How
you think determines how you act. How you act, in turn, determines how
others react to you."
-
David J. Schwartz – The Magic of Thinking Big
"…no
matter what we’re doing on the outside, people respond primarily to how
we’re feeling about them on the inside."
- The Arbinger
Institute – Leadership and Self-Deception
____________________________________________
This month's tip –
Decide to be
a person among people, not
the person among objects.
Becoming a great leader requires people to behave in rather unnatural ways.
Most people will focus on their personal needs ahead of the needs of others.
One of the paradoxes of leadership states that we get our personal needs met
by first considering the interests of the people we lead.
Virtually anyone who has ever heard me speak has heard me use the following
quote from John Maxwell – “Leadership is influence. That’s it. Nothing more;
nothing less.” Using this quotation as the starting point for discussions
on leadership naturally forces the discussion away from questions of control
and towards questions of influence. The American Heritage Dictionary defines
control and influence as:
Control – to exercise authority or dominating influence over; direct;
regulate
Influence – a power indirectly or intangibly affecting a person or course of
events
Based
on the Maxwell definition of leadership, great leaders rely on indirect and
intangible methods rather than on direct and dominating behaviors to move
their organizations forward. The desire to learn these “indirect” and
“intangible” methods often leads people to study “people skills” and
“influence strategies” in their efforts to grow as leaders. While I fully
support the development and understanding of these skills and strategies, I
also recommend that we take it one step further. I recommend that we go
beyond the external behaviors and address the foundational thinking that
supports them.
When I
work with another person and I try to “get them to do things” or to
“motivate them to work harder”, I have slipped into thinking of the person
as an object. They have ceased to be a person with wants, needs, and
desires. They have become something to move to my will rather than
someone to understand.
If I
view them as an object, they will probably pick-up on my thinking and react
accordingly. They will most likely view my efforts to “influence” them as
manipulative. If they see me as trying to manipulate them, they will
probably resist – even if only subtly. If they resist, I will probably try
some other “influence tactic” to “get them to do things.” Thus the cycle
repeats.
If I
see them as a person, and then work to understand their perspective before
acting; I stand a better chance of positively influencing their behavior.
When they sense that I understand them, they are less likely to resist and
more likely to cooperate. Now we have an upward, cooperative cycle in our
relationship.
Can I
guarantee cooperative effort from every person when I use this approach to
leadership? No. But I can guarantee that people will eventually see my
“influence tactics” as manipulative if I don’t first try to understand them
and their needs.
I
can’t control how another person will react to me. I can only control me. I
can work to put the relationship odds in my favor by forcing myself to view
them as a person, not as an object. Rather than trying to “get them to do
things”, I can work to “help them see the value in this activity”. The shift
in thinking is small, but the impact on results is huge. Just as a small
part like a rudder can steer a large ship, a small thing like a thought can
steer a relationship.
So for now, I encourage you to remember this month's tip . .
.
Decide to be
a person among people, not
the
person among objects.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
