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Positive Principles Newsletter
October 2007
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Key Quotes:
“Any fool can
criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self-control to
be understanding and forgiving.”
- Dale Carnegie
"When I take offense, I build a fence between me and you."
- Guy Harris
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This
month's tip –
Don't be a Noyed.
When people work
together, conflict will eventually happen. Since a good portion of my work
involves team dynamics, I get the opportunity to see lots of these
conflicts play out in the real world. For quite a while now, I have been
carefully watching and evaluating the characteristics of people skilled in
the art of conflict resolution. I have noticed that the people most
skilled at resolving conflict also seem to become personally involved in
less conflicts overall. Interesting observation: those most capable of
resolving a conflict once it occurs tend to have fewer conflicts to
resolve.
In reflecting on
this observation, a question came to mind: “What do these people do
differently from others who experience more conflict in their lives?” In
evaluating this question, I identified three types of people involved in
most conflict situations:
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Noyeds (noi’ds)–
people who choose to carry their frustration and irritation openly,
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Noyings
(noi-ings)– people who bear the brunt of the Noyeds’ frustration, and
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Dapters
(dap-ters)– people who choose to adapt to different situations without
getting overly frustrated or irritated
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Here are some characteristics of each type of person.
Noyed
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A Noyed chooses
to be a Noyed.
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A Noyed knows
that they are a Noyed.
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A person can be
a Noyed and a Noying at the same time.
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Noyeds carry
conflict with them because they tend to share their annoyance with others.
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Noying
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A person cannot
be a Noying until the Noyed chooses to be annoyed.
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A Noying might
choose to be a Noying, but it is often unintentional.
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A Noying may not
know that they are a Noying.
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Dapter
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A
Dapter
chooses to be a Dapter.
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A
Dapter always
knows that they are a Dapter.
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A person cannot
be a Noyed and a Dapter at the same time.
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What is the real difference between Dapters and Noyeds?
Dapters view
most situations objectively, and they consciously choose to adapt their
response based on both the context and the other person (or people)
involved. Noyeds generally view a situation based solely on how it impacts
them personally. Noyeds tend to have a low focus on team or joint success
and an intense focus on personal interests.
Noyeds tend to
experience lots of conflict because they choose to be annoyed. Dapters
tend to experience less conflict because they choose to adapt rather than
to be annoyed.
Dapters know
that conflict prevention is even better than skilled conflict resolution.
Once conflict occurs, effective leaders and teams will address and resolve
it rather than avoid it. Dapters attempt to employ an even more dynamic
approach. They start on the “front-end” to prevent the conflict from
occurring at all.
So for now, I
encourage you to remember this month's tip . . .
Don't be a Noyed.
Have a great day,
Guy Harris
The Recovering Engineer
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